1. I wanted to be unrestricted in what I wrote, and I felt that this might possibly require more than thirty pages.
2. I ran into a character problem. I realized with what I wanted to write, I couldn't have Jackson Perth be the main character. It had to be another guy who I could create at the needed time.
3. I was time restricted.
I think that's really all. So, I came up with an idea that didn't meet this troubling criteria. No complicated plot, not a plethora of characters, and it was a simple idea that could be written in a decent amount of time, yet still satisfy the needs of my creativity. So, I hope you enjoy this, and critique me if you notice something that needs to be fixed.
The Dome
The night sky was humming with the sweet chords of jazz. Around and around, like an invisible snake, the notes weaved in, out, and between the stars. They danced with Cassiopeia and strode with Orion. They mingled with the air low and high all the way across the Milky Way. It was a sweet, inviting tune, beckoning any passerby to come in and enjoy what surprises it offered. The music hailed from a white dome. Resting on the hillside, it would seem strange to any passerby that a structure such as this should lay there, but those who built the dome all agreed that it was the perfect location. Serene, quiet, peaceful, beautiful, it was all here. The night was of a warm summer, just a little after sundown. You could still see all around where you might stand, yet it would be dark enough that a sign from a ways away would be illegible. This was a time when night the night was still very young, and when people were still wide awake barbecuing, playing, or just talking the night away on their front porches.
The dome was alive tonight. The lights were on, illuminating the dome like a light-bulb. And like moths, people were swarming the light-bulb, buzzing along the twisted paths and trails until they came to whatever door they ended up at. Like an army attacking a fortress under siege, they advanced with much anticipation. They opened the doors entered, streaming in like a strong current of water being released from a dam. The stream was relentless. It pounded countless faces through the auditorium's outer hallway, quickly stuffing it full. It seemed that the place would overflow with people.Everyone scurried frantically to the doors to the auditorium. Although it seemed impossible, the crowd finally got completely in the auditorium and dispersed into their personal seats. And despite the high number of people, everyone got a seat.
The inside, like the outside, was also white. It was a spectacular piece of work to look at, made from fine, polished marble, refined white wood, and other sorts of high-quality building materials. In the center was a huge hardwood floor of pure white and so clean and spotless as if it had just at that moment been nailed down. Around it were cushioned seats for everyone that had designs of dragons and serpents etched in.
The borders were decorated with banners and flowers. They were carved with patterns of the stars and the seasons.
The architects who made the building took a lot of pride in it. Everyone took pride in it. They cleaned it daily so nothing could settle and become problematic such as sticky soda or rotting apples. Even when nothing had happened there for a week, the people still went in and swept for dust. Any animals or insects that got in were eradicated. Damages were fixed the day they were discovered. It was guarded all day and all night just in case vandals decided to do their dirty work on the place. (Which rarely happened, if ever.) The people loved this building and took great care of it.
The inside, like the outside, was also white. It was a spectacular piece of work to look at, made from fine, polished marble, refined white wood, and other sorts of high-quality building materials. In the center was a huge hardwood floor of pure white and so clean and spotless as if it had just at that moment been nailed down. Around it were cushioned seats for everyone that had designs of dragons and serpents etched in.
The borders were decorated with banners and flowers. They were carved with patterns of the stars and the seasons.
The architects who made the building took a lot of pride in it. Everyone took pride in it. They cleaned it daily so nothing could settle and become problematic such as sticky soda or rotting apples. Even when nothing had happened there for a week, the people still went in and swept for dust. Any animals or insects that got in were eradicated. Damages were fixed the day they were discovered. It was guarded all day and all night just in case vandals decided to do their dirty work on the place. (Which rarely happened, if ever.) The people loved this building and took great care of it.
This night was one of the many nights when all that great care became worth it. It was a very promising night as it was with the jazz playing, and it was about to get better. The jazz was being played by a live band as entertainment before the main event started. They normally played here on event nights, one part being for the money, but mostly for the music, the people, the place, and the event. With a lot of cheery enthusiasm, they played on and they kept doing so until a voice came over the loudspeaker.
"Eh-hem! Excuse me everyone," it said, "please settle down."
The jazz band stopped playing. The crowd hushed itself to complete silence. Even the crickets no longer chirped. Someone could've been mumbling to themselves and everyone would've heard it. It was as if the place was dead, yet, you could sense an excitement being restrained throughout the room, a feeling more evident than any cough, sneeze, or whisper that could've occurred, if there were any such noises in the air at the time. "All right then," the voice said. "Tonight, for our main event, we shall witness ballroom dancers perform to some of history's magnificent works."
Although it was still quite quiet, you could hear people whispering all around, talking about how exciting the show would be, what songs they hoped would be played, and other such matters. The voice continued. "If any of you have cellphones, would you please turn them off?"
The crowd obliged. All at once, hundreds of hands squirmed all over the place reaching for their talking bricks. Hundreds of little lights woke from their sleep only to be temporarily put out of commission. Those hands squirmed again to put the brick away, and it soon became silent again.
"Please discard of your trash properly."
After every event, there was very little trash to be swept or picked up, which made the janitors very pleased. They eventually came to assume that people would stay responsible and clean up after themselves, just as they had in the past.
"Do not make loud and disturbing noises."
Based on the fact that no mumbling or any other such noises were occurring, it was apparent to everyone that they would stay that way.
"And please, above all, enjoy the show!"
They always did. No matter what was happening there, whether it be music, dance, a musical, a speech, or any of the other various things that went on in the dome, they always enjoyed the show.
The music began to play. As it did, the dancers slide from under the four main entrances on the bottom stage. They moved with gentle motion soft enough that they seemed to move in harmony with the light around them. They made no noise whatsoever. They made no taps with their shoes. When they jumped or swung their arms around, they didn't make any clapping noise.It was as if this dome was outer-space, where no sounds of any sort could travel. They were immediately dissipated after they occurred because the atmosphere of this place could not carry the waves for the noise to travel. Although outer-space was actually miles away in the sky, there certainly was a different property in the air tonight. Many might have called it different things, but most would agree that it was simply called magic. The dancers created a special magic in the air by their art. They told stories of timeless value and they presented universal ideas. They did all of this with just notes and movement, and nothing more. For all those inside witnessing this beautiful display, time stood still. It normally doesn't, but when something extraordinary or special happens, just like this moment, it can.
After some time of seemingly endless splendor, the final song ended. The dancers carried out their final movements, then they were still. For a moment, the audience was still quiet, still bound silent by that strange and wonderful magic. When the realization that it was over finally sank into them, they clapped. Hard. They all stood and cheered. They cheered and whistled their hearts out, filling the once silent stadium with enough sound to travel all across the county. As the echoes cleared, a man went to the center of the room, gripping in his hand, a microphone.
"Wow, what an excellent job dancers!" He said to the crowd. It was the same man that had spoken over the loudspeaker. "Weren't they just excellent?" The crowd replied by exploding with applause again. "That must be a yes," chuckled the man. "What we have witnessed here tonight is something very beautiful, and I just want to thank these wonderful dancers for working so hard to get it to that point. It took a lot to accomplish what they did tonight, and I'd like to congratulate them. It took time, effort, teamwork, skill, and love for the art to do all this, and we, if I may speak for the whole crowd, admire that."
The crowd confirmed the suspicion by making more grateful applauds.
"Thank-you for all being here tonight." the man said again. "We always appreciate large crowds on the nights of our shows. We will be doing the same show for the rest of this week and we will be doing a new one in about three. Have a good night everyone."
The crowd stood up, and with a slow but steady pace, they soon emptied out of the dome. They carried home the magic of that night, the performance where time stood still. They would carry it in their memories and cherish it forever.
After the crowd had left, the janitors cleaned up the place. Like always, there was not a lot of trash to clean up. No spills to mop up or food to dispose of. By the time they were all done, the dome was sparkling with a brilliant white once more. They left the place too, locking the doors as they left.
On the hillside, the dome, loved by all, stood quiet, waiting for tomorrow and the magic that it would bring.
Fin
As an after-note, there is a hidden message in here, something to learn from it. If you know what it may be, tell me. (There are never really wrong answers.)
Thank-you for for reading.
"Eh-hem! Excuse me everyone," it said, "please settle down."
The jazz band stopped playing. The crowd hushed itself to complete silence. Even the crickets no longer chirped. Someone could've been mumbling to themselves and everyone would've heard it. It was as if the place was dead, yet, you could sense an excitement being restrained throughout the room, a feeling more evident than any cough, sneeze, or whisper that could've occurred, if there were any such noises in the air at the time. "All right then," the voice said. "Tonight, for our main event, we shall witness ballroom dancers perform to some of history's magnificent works."
Although it was still quite quiet, you could hear people whispering all around, talking about how exciting the show would be, what songs they hoped would be played, and other such matters. The voice continued. "If any of you have cellphones, would you please turn them off?"
The crowd obliged. All at once, hundreds of hands squirmed all over the place reaching for their talking bricks. Hundreds of little lights woke from their sleep only to be temporarily put out of commission. Those hands squirmed again to put the brick away, and it soon became silent again.
"Please discard of your trash properly."
After every event, there was very little trash to be swept or picked up, which made the janitors very pleased. They eventually came to assume that people would stay responsible and clean up after themselves, just as they had in the past.
"Do not make loud and disturbing noises."
Based on the fact that no mumbling or any other such noises were occurring, it was apparent to everyone that they would stay that way.
"And please, above all, enjoy the show!"
They always did. No matter what was happening there, whether it be music, dance, a musical, a speech, or any of the other various things that went on in the dome, they always enjoyed the show.
The music began to play. As it did, the dancers slide from under the four main entrances on the bottom stage. They moved with gentle motion soft enough that they seemed to move in harmony with the light around them. They made no noise whatsoever. They made no taps with their shoes. When they jumped or swung their arms around, they didn't make any clapping noise.It was as if this dome was outer-space, where no sounds of any sort could travel. They were immediately dissipated after they occurred because the atmosphere of this place could not carry the waves for the noise to travel. Although outer-space was actually miles away in the sky, there certainly was a different property in the air tonight. Many might have called it different things, but most would agree that it was simply called magic. The dancers created a special magic in the air by their art. They told stories of timeless value and they presented universal ideas. They did all of this with just notes and movement, and nothing more. For all those inside witnessing this beautiful display, time stood still. It normally doesn't, but when something extraordinary or special happens, just like this moment, it can.
After some time of seemingly endless splendor, the final song ended. The dancers carried out their final movements, then they were still. For a moment, the audience was still quiet, still bound silent by that strange and wonderful magic. When the realization that it was over finally sank into them, they clapped. Hard. They all stood and cheered. They cheered and whistled their hearts out, filling the once silent stadium with enough sound to travel all across the county. As the echoes cleared, a man went to the center of the room, gripping in his hand, a microphone.
"Wow, what an excellent job dancers!" He said to the crowd. It was the same man that had spoken over the loudspeaker. "Weren't they just excellent?" The crowd replied by exploding with applause again. "That must be a yes," chuckled the man. "What we have witnessed here tonight is something very beautiful, and I just want to thank these wonderful dancers for working so hard to get it to that point. It took a lot to accomplish what they did tonight, and I'd like to congratulate them. It took time, effort, teamwork, skill, and love for the art to do all this, and we, if I may speak for the whole crowd, admire that."
The crowd confirmed the suspicion by making more grateful applauds.
"Thank-you for all being here tonight." the man said again. "We always appreciate large crowds on the nights of our shows. We will be doing the same show for the rest of this week and we will be doing a new one in about three. Have a good night everyone."
The crowd stood up, and with a slow but steady pace, they soon emptied out of the dome. They carried home the magic of that night, the performance where time stood still. They would carry it in their memories and cherish it forever.
After the crowd had left, the janitors cleaned up the place. Like always, there was not a lot of trash to clean up. No spills to mop up or food to dispose of. By the time they were all done, the dome was sparkling with a brilliant white once more. They left the place too, locking the doors as they left.
On the hillside, the dome, loved by all, stood quiet, waiting for tomorrow and the magic that it would bring.
Fin
As an after-note, there is a hidden message in here, something to learn from it. If you know what it may be, tell me. (There are never really wrong answers.)
Thank-you for for reading.
Beautiful. It was beautiful, almost like a dance, only with words. I was actually drawn into the story, and visualized a ballet, with women dressed in white...your words gave me quite the visual. Now, here is my only critique. The announcer. The story is soft and quite, but the announcers words seemed out of character with the story...his voice was interfering with what I was feeling. Does that make sense?
ReplyDeleteNow, as for the meaning. What I got out of it was just life itself. I saw the dome as my own life, and my ability to keep my life clean and put on the best of the best real, authentic and raw performance, for myself or for others.
Great story son, or more so, nice piece of word art.