Happy! :D

"Happiness hit her like a train on a track." -Dog Days Are Over by Florence + The Machine.

This quote above describes my life where it's at now. I'm not a pessimist, but I never expected my life to get so great this fast. I have always had friends, but after one week of high school, I actually started to hang out with a group. The people I knew for quite awhile actually accepted me easily. It's like they were waiting for me to do something and when I finally did, they accepted it. The people I now know are just such great people! They actually care about me and call me their friend. I don't mean to sound deprived or whatever, but seriously, I have not had this much social activity for a long time so often. There have been many days where I sat alone. I just never knew what was right in front of my face! Then I met Serena, the first person that I was able to get a phone number from in a long while. (I wasn't even asking for it either.) Then that led me to start crawling out of my shell. It was a slow process, but it happened. I actually talked to people very soon after. As soon as I got the guts to, I started to socialize at lunch. I know it may seem ridiculous, claiming that it's so hard to just sit at another table, but for me, it was. Thankfully, it no longer is. Then summer hit. I mostly hung out with Brayden every day. Got bored sometimes, went crazy on others, but that's another story. Then, the first week of school hit. Nothing really happened. It was a good week, but the best of it came on Friday AFTER school. That was when I actually spent a while with a group of friends. Then came the football game, same thing there. I felt stellar! I felt like I was actually noticed more than it seemed, like people WANTED to be my friend. Again, this may sound cheesy or corny, but I really don't care because that is one of the few things I am sometimes, cheesy and corny. Truth is, I am slightly insecure. I sometimes feel I'm too loud or to weird for anybody to want to hang out with me, and I know I am definitely those two things under certain circumstances, which is mostly when I'm with friends. I've even gone so far as to ask "I'm not annoying you, am I?" I was told so many times that I was annoying during elementary school, even by my friends. One of my friends even wrote me a note saying that if I didn't stop with the behavior, he would no longer be my friend. I was so sad and angry at him because of this. He soon turned his attitude around and we are still friends. My other friend, however, never turned his attitude around by the time I moved. He thought I was annoying and a bunch of other things I can't remember. (I think "poser" was one of them.) I might have actually been annoying, but I didn't deserve one thing he did to me. I forgive him now, but he made some bad choices when it came to me. There was another kid even he hated though, and he, out of everyone, was my worst bully. He even made me cry sometimes! I was so glad when I got away from elementary school. I forgive him as well, but again, stupid mistakes were made.

So what I'm trying to say is that after self-isolation and endless insult in the fifth and sixth grade, I turned into what I used to be, an insecure hermit. I'm still afraid of what people may think of me, but I can always be reassured that my friends are good people who don't care if I'm a little too loud and whatnot.

I was once told by a friend that I looked depressed whenever I sat alone. Because of this, he sometimes calls me Mr. Depression. Truth is, some days were depressing. My life was not going the way I wanted it too. It's not like it was all a miserable, depressing time, it just could have been better. But ever since I've been surrounded by friends, my happiness has been off the charts! At EFY, we were given a lesson on learning to recognize God's hand in our life. At the time, I couldn't think of anything like that. I knew he blessed me with a house and other such luxuries, but I couldn't think of any personal things that have been done. I was so ignorant that day. I can think of plenty of things now that have been done for me. Meeting Serena and Brayden, getting to be an AL for Mrs.Nelson, my growing confidence, the way my grades were raised and more. The list just goes on and on. Today, I've seen God's hand in my life even more. The first way is pretty obvious. I now have friends I talk to every day. The day I was finally able to meet Serena after like three months is another example. I could go on and on. By these things I now know that God truly does care for every one of us. He knows what we want, what we need, and what things make us happy. I've thanked God every day for the friends that have come into my life. I am so blessed to know such wonderful people! I could say it over and over again and I would always mean it. (Here's something else about me. I give out compliments very generously. I'm always afraid I'll overdo it.)

My subconscious goal has been to be a friend to everybody. For the first time in my life, I'm doing it! I've befriended a new student, I've made friends with people I never knew, and I feel great. I want everybody to know that if they ever need me for whatever reason, I will be there for them. Don't be afraid to come to me if you need somebody to talk to about something or just to have somebody listen. Oh, and if you read this blog, TELL ME! It's like I'm speaking to one person 80% of the time. (Thank-you Serena.)